Step to the right folks, to celebrate unfettered, unrestrained, neo-liberal corporate capitalism - the brilliant philosophy which taught us that more is always better and self-indulgence is a spiritual pursuit. The humongous duck lips of the Kardashians are the perfect aspiration for those of us climbing the ladder. To those haters that try and knock us down, just remember those immortal words of our Hollywood heroes "You're worth it".

Step to the left folks, to celebrate authoritarian, totalitarian, globalist communism - the genius idea that we can impose top-down equality through enforced uniformity and implement bone-crushing regulation to solve all our problems. We all know human beings left to their own devices are selfish and must be beaten into virtuousness. The Turpin Family with their righteous skinny limbs make the perfect role models for this world of iron-fisted equality. To those who would try to tempt us into stepping out of line, just remind them "We're not worth it."

To all those that prefer al la carte, free-thinking independent decisions outside the rigid ideology of political camps, what are you waiting for? FFS CHOOSE A SIDE!

Otherwise, you're a Nazi or a Snowflake and you smell